It's been a long time. In so many ways. Maybe I got so caught up in embracing the new that I left a bit too much of myself behind.

Maybe I thought I would catch up.

Maybe I was just going where I don't belong.

And yet, lessons can be learned. In the going back. In the remembering. In the acceptance. Today, I am accepting that I don't have to accept everything. Today, I am trying to settle, for once and for all in my mind, that I cannot settle.

It is beyond frustrating to me that I can't seem to want to things that I should. That the ideal or acceptable way of doing things isn't the way for me.

whycan'tijustbenormal?

If I am destined to a life of difference, wherein lies my connection? I am literally disconnecting in the pursuit of connection.

I never did say I made a whole lot of sense. I never did claim to be easy to understand. I will never claim to be the kind of girl that you should want to have around.

But I know I have the possibility of so much love. Maybe it's that I don't know how to corral or control it yet. Perhaps I've done the world a favor in hiding it a bit.

And yet I know that holding back love does no one any good.

I think, perhaps, these are wasted words. I think, perhaps, that I just need to wait for the pieces of the puzzle that are missing before I try to see the picture. I think, perhaps, that I'm trying to make a picture that isn't there. That I have gotten this idea of what the outcome should be, when I should wait for the beautiful surprises.

I think, perhaps, that that I think too much.