and back again....

I made it. I am here. Things have been moved and I went with them.

It was a journey...in miles, in emotions, in frustrations and heartbreak. There were moments that I thought I would never make it through and moments that I thought my heart would burst. There was the absolute disbelief that so much could change so quickly and the overwhelming sensation that I was not ready for any of it.

But it happened. The trailer door pulled down, the dog in the car, the maps printed and the phone charged...the time had come to say goodbye - to a city, a home, a best friend, a way of life. When I turned that key I knew that life was never going to be quite the same again. Frankly, I hesitated. And then, with sobs ripping through my lungs and tears overflowing my eyes, I listened to that engine roar at my beckon. I felt my left ease off the clutch and my right onto the gas. I choked as I knew that I was taking myself away.

deepbreathdeepbreathdeepbreath

And then there was the actual trip, which had moments of mayhem and moments of magic. I think I will leave both of those categories for future posts. Because we can talk later about the getting here. Right now I am concentrated on the being here.

I crossed that state line into familiar territory. Things made me pause that others would simply not notice - things that are only important in the remembering, the comfort - things you don't think about when you are living them, or even when you are away, but my, what heart strings they pull when you are back in their presence.

I'm excited. I really am. I am excited about the things I can expect to happen and all the ones that I hope for, dream of, and can't even imagine. I think that things are really going to work out well - as Chelsea put it "Things are just right. Things are really lining up this time around." And I could agree more. I am at peace, even after all the turmoil, that this is the right thing for me, right now. That this place is where I want to be.

I got teared up at church (as I have countless times in the last few days) because, as a handful of people were standing at the back of the crowded room, the pastor, making announcements, just said "Hey, if you're a guy, and you have a seat...well, there isn't a nice way to put this..get up. There are ladies standing at the back." And en masse, the men of the congregation stood and searched for someone who might need their spot. And it brought tears to my eyes, not because it was such a huge deal to stand - it wasn't. Or that I found dc to be a cold or unchivalrous place - I didn't. But that action would never have really been a consideration in dc. It is just such a different mentality. And I'm not saying one mindset is better than the other - it was just a very distinct signal that I was back in Texas.

That I was home.

Here I lay my Ebenezer, here by Thy great help I've come.

May I have the strength, clarity, and wisdom to set aside this moment - that I may remember where I have been, where I have come, what is has taken to get me to this place in my life, and who got me here.