Things I'm tired of...

Not having enough time to do the things that make me happy.

That standing up for myself makes me the bully.

That keeping quiet makes me the victim.

Not seeing my family.

Not having a "group."

Being the third, fifth, or even (yes folks, it really happened) ELEVENTH wheel.

Making only enough to get by.

Feeling like I'm not really making a difference.

Feeling out of place.

Not hearing an answer.

Not being motivated.

Debating between what would actually make me happy and what would look good/make other people happy.

45 hours a week at a desk.

Not losing weight.

Missing people.

Being tired.

Yesterday was beyond frustrating. And I am feeling really hurt. It sucks when you feel like you aren't even a part of the equation, or that your part, when it comes down to it, just isn't considered, or important. It sucks feeling pushed under the bus so someone else doesn't get their toes stepped on.

I don't know what I'm doing - don't ask please, I have no idea.

I have things I'd like, but seem implausible. Things I long for, but would cause waves. Things that would make me happy, but would probably disappoint others.

I like to please. Probably more than anything else.

I hate to disappoint. Probably more than anything else.

decisionsdecisionsdecisions

now there's a jaunt back to the familiar, if not missed, if questionable, if worrisome. I may be progressing, but I'm still the same fucked up girl.

excuse the language. I'm sorry, really. I'll take it back, if it would make you feel better.